Of Love and Purpose
"He found The One before he found himself."
Those are the words I use to describe many of my friends from the past.
I genuinely don't wish ill upon them or their marriages, but I can't relate to them as I did when we were in our more reckless and impulsive 20s.
Now I look upon them and their lives and I see contentment, happiness, stability, comfort.
As I said before, I can't relate.
I’m able to feel the same emotions of contentment, happiness, stability, and comfort, just not in the same way.
They found their place, not their mission in life, but rather the duty and commitments that come with marriage and family. I’ve found my mission and am working toward finding my place in the world while managing the duties of family and the 9-to-5 job.
Of course, when I say mission, I mean purpose.
Purpose is that which answers the question, “What can I do with my life that is deserving of my time, my physical energy, and emotional attachment that will contribute to my feelings of happiness and fulfillment?”
My purpose is to empower as many people as possible to make better choices in all areas of their lives.
Ideally, I want my clients to look at their comfort zone with the same disgust I have when I look at my own. There is no reason why we should hold ourselves back as much as we do.
Which brings me back to those old friends and how I believe I see life differently than they do.
I’ve quit jobs in the past when I realized they weren’t contributing to my happiness and fulfillment in life.
Eventually, I accepted the responsibility needed, took control of my own happiness and fulfillment without relying on the paycheck or other people, their charity, opinions, or adulation. I forced myself to sit and think and do nothing at all to avoid distraction.
I discovered my answers and have been working years to make my vision the reality it needs to be.
When I am doing anything not contributing toward making that vision manifest, I get irritable, grumpy, and angry at myself. If I avoid purpose long enough, I’ll become depressed and shutdown and begin from square one again.
Fortunately, square one looks stronger and more stable as the setbacks become less pervasive and the distractions become less shiny.
If my best relationships growing up had become something more solid, then my life could very well be like that of those old friends.
I wouldn’t have purpose, but I would have duties, obligations, goals, and someone to care for beyond myself.
Perhaps I’d feel a tug of that indescribable something missing in my life and I would quiet its whispers with another season of that one show from Netflix, maybe a sportsball game, enjoy some beer, or whatever.
Instead trying any of those things just now leads to that nagging scream in my head as my Jiminy recognizes the little steps toward another big setback.
A dangerous little step I’m now taking despite the risk of distraction is dating.
Yes, I’m now in pursuit of The One for myself and being very careful as I do so.
At least as carefully as is possible during the age of Corona.
The lesson ahead is obvious to me: live a life with a partner who helps ease the difficulties living my purpose brings.
That could mean being a source of understanding and comfort as needed or, preferably, she’s one who inspires and actively encourages me to push myself deeper into my purpose.
Regardless, despite how much I may love her, I have to keep striving to make the vision a reality, make the plan actionable, and receive all the joys and happiness that result from me affecting the world on my terms.
Finding myself, creating myself, means far more to me than a comfortable relationship of debating what series to watch next.
The One will understand that.